May 12, 2004

A mindless rant thought up duing my commute

A couple years ago, Gregg Easterbrook proposed changing the name of larger SUVs. Instead of Sport-Utility Vehicles, things like the H2 would be known as Fuck You Vehicles or FUV, due to the total lack of concern the drivers of such monsters obviously feel for both the planet and the people on it. I would add an additional piece to that; if you’re a male, and own a giant truck or SUV, and you don’t have 12 kids or haul around giant work-related equipment, you’re really compensating for something.

Yes, you read that right. To all you giant SUV driving men, we know you have small penises. We know that your aggressive and thoughtless driving stems from the anger you have internalized over your lack of sexual prowess. It’s okay, you can let that go. Moreover, every time you open your email you hear of miracle creams, pills and pumps that can solve your little problem. Perhaps you should look into this. Remember, relaxed and endowed men always get more action than the angry and small.

Women who drive such vehicles are a different story. It depends on if said female driver is hot, frankly. Hot women get away with a lot. If the woman is not hot, perhaps this is why she would drive so angrily. If that isn’t the case, there must be more deep-seated anger. Anything deeper than that, and I’m a little bit afraid of it.

Oh, and if you drive a truck with giant off-road tires, flames, fake bullet holes and/or skull decals, you are a loser and everyone knows it.

Posted by Frinklin at May 12, 2004 07:34 PM

Please add to the Loser List:

Anyone with the word "PIMP" anywhere on their vehicle.

I am also mystified by any car with the "In loving memory of..." decals and stickers. You're dedicating your car in loving memory?

Posted by: ensie at May 12, 2004 07:44 PM

What about if you drive a '83 Mazda RX7... does that mean you have a giant member?

Posted by: Madfish Willie at May 12, 2004 09:13 PM

If guys with big SUV's are "compensating for something", what does that say about me as I cruise around in my 4 cylinder, 1300 cc engine Toyota (okay, I'm in Europe). Still?

Posted by: John at May 13, 2004 08:12 AM

As for what driving a small car means.. I'll leave that up to your imaginations.

Posted by: frinklin at May 13, 2004 06:06 PM

Just for the record... I don't drive an '83 Mazda RX7.

Posted by: Madfish Willie at May 13, 2004 06:58 PM
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