Today was not the easiest day at Frinklin's job. You see, many of my coworkers worship the Devil, in the guise of the Evil Hated Lakers. Since the EHL eliminated the Timberwolves last night, many of those I work with have been crowing about it all day, especially in my direction. One of them asked me today why I hated the Lakers so much. I told her the truth, that I'm essentially a good person, while the Lakers and those who follow them are not. I expounded by saying that I believe in the essential dignity of humanity, while Lakers only believe in face time in front of the cameras. This person was my boss, so I offered a reassuring chuckle, of course I don't believe that. It's just that the Lakers are so good all the time, ha-ha!
But I do. And you should too. Let me explain why.
The team is really, really difficult to like in its present form. Shall we start with Shaq and his on-again, off-again commitments to the team and his conditioning? The Big Fella (one of his 1,589 nicknames, most of which are his own idea) is the most dominant player in the NBA, but (say it with me) only when he wants to be. And quite frankly, that's about 45% of the time. The majority of his time he has aches and pains, and tells bad jokes and makes really, really awful movies. This is why he's a dominant player, but not a truly great player. The great ones come to kill you. Magic, Larry and Michael came to kill you every night. And they did.
Kobe? Hey, everyone's favorite accused rapist has shown a superhuman devotion to his team during this whole mess, but it's been creepy instead of inspirational. His withdrawn face and bulging eyes show what he's put himself through, with his mad dashes between courts and desperate attempts to show himself a family man.
The Glove? Damnit, there isn't anything worse than watching your favorite player end up with your least favorite team. GP was the linchpin of the crazy and fun to watch George Karl Sonics, but now is a whiny bit player on this team. The triangle offense does nothing for Payton, forcing him to hold the ball and look to pass inside, what shot he does get are outside ones. Payton's game has always been drive and pass or the low post. He doesn't do either on this team. He knew this going in, but it hasn't stopped him from bitching incessantly anyway.
Karl Malone? How sad is it that Malone may be the most likable guy on this team? Everyone's favorite flopper is doing his best Ray Bourque impersonation, the veteran who has done everything but win at all. What's really odd is that he has turned into Brian Grant, doing the little things and playing defense instead of scoring. I still hate him though.
Phil? Oh yes, the Genius, the Guru, the semi-mystical Yoda of the hardwood. A reputation earned by looking sort of befuddled on the sideline, having a fancy name for his offense, admitting he did drugs in the 70's, and giving his players books. I always wondered if he thought NBA players could actually read. Oh yeah, he also had the best player in history willing his team to victory. This time around with the Lakers, Phil seems to have completely given up. He's gone from looking like he doesn't care to actively hating his team.
But yes, the real reason I hate the Lakers is that they are always good.
Posted by Frinklin at June 1, 2004 07:04 PM