February 02, 2006

People Are Dumb, Volume DCCLXXXVII

This actually happened today at work. Only the names have been changed, to protect the phenomenally stupid.

I got a soda from the office vending machine, and among my change was the new Kansas quarter:


I found this quarter to be deeply disturbing because, as you'll notice, those are sunflowers on the left side there. In my experience, sunflowers are several feet tall. And yet, the sunflowers on the Kansas quarter are dwarfed by the buffalo. Clearly, there are gigantic mutant bison roaming the Great Plains, and if left unchecked, they could very well wreak untold havoc on our country. Action must be taken.

Like any right-thinking, patriotic American, I immediately attempted to enlist the support of my coworkers in the battle against the giant buffalo. Unfortunately, my first move was to approach "Bill," one of my coworkers who is perhaps not the sharpest knife in the drawer. We proceeded to have the following conversation:

MEDIOCRE FRED: Look at this! Our American way of life is at stake!
BILL: (looks at coin) Is this the new buffalo nickel?
MF: Nickel-? Dude, it's a quarter!
BILL: A quarter?
MF: Yeah. Can't you tell the difference between a nickel and a quarter?
BILL: Oh, okay. It's a coin from 1861. So what?
MF: From 1861?
BILL: Yeah, it says so right there. (points at date)
MF: No. Idiot. That's the year the state of Kansas was founded. That is not the year the coin was made.
BILL: Really?
MF: Yeah, I pulled a 150-year-old coin in mint condition out of the vending machine.
BILL: So what?
MF: You know what? Forget I said anything. If the future of our civilization depends on you, we're doomed. Give it back.
BILL: Give what back?
MF: My quarter! You know, the buffalo nickel from 1861.

This really happened. Really. I fear for our country.

Posted by Mediocre Fred at February 2, 2006 02:18 PM | TrackBack

People like Bill exist solely to be blogfodder for the rest of us.

Buffalo nickel. 1861. My brain weeps.

Posted by: eden at February 3, 2006 12:14 PM

I don't know if this is as bad as Bill or not, but the first thought that popped in my head was "Do Bison poop sunflowers?"

Posted by: Brandon at February 4, 2006 01:27 AM
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