The Frinklin and Fred Show

An Imminent and Deadly Threat to both America and the World

No, I’m not talking about terrorism, or nuclear proliferation or ecological disaster. I’m talking about Celine Dion and Anne Geddes being allowed to collaborate. Yes, the anorexic Canadian screamer and creepy and cloying baby photographer have created Miracle: A Celebration of Life, a multimedia event. It’s a book of photographs by Geddes, most including Dion and various infants, and a CD of Dion wailing away in her own interminable style.

Taken alone, these massive selling superstars-for-no-discernable-reason are bad enough. Dion’s shrieking vocal style and cloying lyrics constitute a grievous threat to America’s psychological and physical health, and Geddes’ diabetes-inducing sweetness is enough to damage our national psyche. Together they could destroy our very way of life, causing mass insanity, rioting in the streets, and the heartbreak of erectile dysfunction.

I call on both major Presidential candidates to immediately issue statements denouncing this Satan-spawned collaboration. In addition, our current administration should take this to the UN Security Council and demand sanctions against both artists’ home countries, Canada and the United States, until all production and distribution of this abomination is halted.