October 21, 2005

Please don’t throw processed meat at us!

I usually wake up the same way. The alarm goes off at an excruciatingly early and Matchbox is usually going crazy, wanting to be fed and let out. Jeffery is slumbering under the covers, pushing both me and the Missus off our own bed. Jeffery will wake up when he hears Matchbox and I head for the kitchen. He will bypass the side of the bed I’ve vacated and usually trample over my wife’s sleeping form, oftentimes pulling the covers off the bed with him. I throw on my bathrobe, and still at least 2/3 asleep; I’ll feed them and let them out. While they’re out doing their dirty business, I’ll sleepily pour myself some cereal and eat while I wait. According to my wife, I invariably spill something too. Usually the cereal. Halfway through my breakfast, Matchbox will scratch the back door to come in. I’ll let him, usually remembering to wipe of his cold, wet feet. Then I wait for Jeffery, who like to go exploring and will only come in if 1) He’s called very sternly and/or pleadingly, 2) its particularly cold or wet or 3) He’s done exploring and wants in.

This morning was different. I was nearly finished with my bowl of Total Vanilla Yogurt (better than it sounds, trust me), and neither dog was to be seen. So I opened the back door and saw Matchbox (the toothless wonder) gulping something down and Jeffery with half an uncooked wiener in his mouth.

Now where the hell would those have come from? I grabbed my shoes, shooed away the cat eyeing the open door and headed on out in my bathrobe. It was cold this morning at 6AM. I was, unfortunately too late. Both dogs had finished their snack and scampered inside. I couldn’t find where they came from. Now I got a little scared. I heard horror stories about neighbors poisoning annoying pets, and our loudmouth dogs are probably the most annoying on the block. We have two neighbors behind us. On the left, within inches of our back wall is (we have a very oddly placed trapezoidal-shaped lot) a guy we met on our first day here and have never seen since. He seemed nice and has a good reputation in the neighborhood according to the neighbor across the street that seems to know everything about everyone.

She was the one who warned us about the other place behind us. It was on old, ramshackle home that was converted into old, ramshackle apartments. The first day (very first day!) our neighbor warned us about the history of drug activity at the house and how they called the police every day and they chased away a meth lab and a crack house.

A crack house and a meth lab in the same place? Who said we call can’t get along?

Anyway, our neighbor informed us that yes, the place was cleaned up quite a bit and they hadn’t had any problems in months and we just don’t have anything to worry about. Funny how they tell you that after all the bad stuff.

So, back to the wieners. They were in our yard, just beyond the fence we share with the formerly-scary-now-merely-sketchy apartments. Neither of our dogs had done anything threatening towards our neighbors. Well, nothing beyond trying to dig a hole into their backyard. When we first moved in, my father-in-law and I replaced much of the back fence we shared. The ground was still soft where we sunk the posts. It was just too damn inviting a target. So there wasn’t a motive. Both dogs seemed fine, but I was pretty freaked-out at this point. I woke up the missus, asking if she knew where our Ipecac was. Every pet owner needs this. I explained the situation. She told me not to worry, as our neighbors had a barbecue last night. Somebody just must have flung the stuff.

Both dogs are fine, and I managed to avoid a heart attack. My question is just exactly why we ended up with raw wieners in our yard. Practical joke? Just plain laziness? This will keep me up at night.

Posted by Frinklin at October 21, 2005 11:07 AM | TrackBack
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