The Frinklin and Fred Show

Argh

Well, we've moved. Just nothing we own has made it with us. We have been in Tacoma for 1 full week now, and our movers are nowhere in sight. We've called them 13 times, we get the run-around each time. Now they say it should be Tuesday.

The Missus and I, while loving our house and our new neighborhood, are slowly losing our minds.

More when (err, if) my stuff ever shows up.

Blowing Off Steam

To The "Sandwich Artist" at My Local Subway Who Keeps Using Toppings Like They Come Out of Her Own Paycheck, Except Lettuce, Which She Always Dumps On a Half-Pound Of, Whether I Want It or Not:

Why are you trying to destroy me? I am a simple man. A simple, hungry man. All I want is a footlong BMT, done properly. Is that too much to ask? Since it appears to be beyond your grasp, I have concluded that you are bent on my destruction.

When done properly, a BMT is a thing of beauty. A proper BMT is a slice of Heaven itself. Those rich, slightly spicy meats cut by the creamy mild cheese, the tang of olives and banana peppers and oil-and-vinegar, the zing of onions, the cool tomatoes and lettuce... yes, a good BMT speaks of red checkered tablecloths and plastic baskets and autographed pictures of sports stars on the wall. It may not be a spin of a Vespa with an Italian supermodel (to borrow an image from one of your competitors), but it's at least a ride in a Firebird with a frisky, fun-loving Jersey girl.

But the key to the BMT is balance. A sparing hand with the meat, or the cheese, or those crucial toppings, throws the equation completely out of whack. Which is precisely what makes the BLT that now sits before me so cruelly disappointing. Meat and cheese, indeed, we do not lack for these. But what of those toppings? O, toppings, where art thou? Back in the bin at the Subway thanks to the brutal hand of Cruella DeVil, Sandwich Artist.

I tried to be generous. Perhaps you assumed that I had a hot date or a face-to-face meeting ahead of me, and this is why you withheld the onions, save a few sad slivers. Perhaps you knew, as I could not, that your tomato stock was paltry and disappointing, and this is why you provided only three thin slices. But what of the olives? What of the banana peppers? Why did you stay your hand there?

Indeed, as if openly taunting, you scooped generous handfuls of both olives and banana peppers out of the bins, only to toss a few measly morsels onto my sandwich, returning the rest whence they came. Why so ungenerous? Did you wish me to beg? Pleading seems so undignified, and shouting "J'accuse!" in the middle of a crowded restaurant seemed, well, a tad paranoid. But did I not see a hint of a smile crossing your lips as you denied me the condiments I sought? I believe I did.

My suspicions were only further enhanced by the one topping with which you weren't so stingy. If we really are experiencing some sort of Sandwich Topping Crisis and must resort to rationing, why did you so freely festoon my sandwich with lettuce? This could only be the work of a fiend sent from the bowels of Hell to torment me.

You know as well as I do that lettuce, at least of the iceberg variety, is as close to a useless food as exists on this planet. It has no taste. It has little texture, at least when shredded. It has no nutritional value. Its only redeeming value, as far as I can tell, is bulk, making a topping-shy sandwich look robust and full. But if this was your intent, you may as well have filled my sub with packing peanuts. I'd have derived approximately the same gustatory enjoyment and nutritional benefit from either, and at least when I swept the packing peanuts out of my sandwich, as I do with the lettuce, I might have found some use for them. Truly, woman, you bedevil me.

Now, under other circumstances, I might perhaps have assumed that you were under some sort of corporate screw-the-customer Subway directive. But I've sampled BMTs prepared by your fellow sandwich artists, and they all seem to have mastered the BMT arts. You stand alone in your obstinate refusal to provide a proper sandwich. And I've now received this treatment from you three times. I know it's you. I've paid attention enough to see it. And thus I am forced to conclude that you are waging some sort of vendetta against me.

So, we return to the original question. Why do you hate me so? Are you wreaking some long-sought revenge for some slight my ancestors delivered to yours in centuries past? Does the mere sight of me fling you into a furious, topping-depriving rage? Is this some stunted, perverse method of attracting my attention? Or are you simply blind to the beauty of a well-crafted BMT?

Whatever the cause, I am at my wit's end. I truly believe that one more BMt so flawed would fling my headlong into the abyss, from which I might never recover. So to you, woman, I beseech: Let me alone! Serve me a proper BMT or, if you are incapable of doing so, defer to one of your compatriots. For truly, woman, I know not what I might be capable of when so frightfully provoked. For my sake, for your sake, for the sake of the world, do as I say.

Sincerely,
Mediocre Fred

P.S. Just because "banana peppers," "green peppers," and "hot peppers" all have the word "pepper" in them doesn't mean I want them all when I ask for one of them. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

(Has it been a bad week? Yes. Am I desperate for long rest, kind words and friendly faces? Absolutely. Have I gone mad? Quite possibly! I knew it was only a matter of time.)

The Move is upon us

Well, as soon as I'm done with this quick post, I'll be taking apart the desktop computer and packing it up. The movers show up first thing tomorrow morning. After some cleaning, we're off too. Light blogging to follow, until we're settled.

That could be as early as next week and as late as next year. Wish us luck.

There be whales here!

James Doohan, Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott from Star Trek, died today at his home in Redmond, Washington. I was actually lucky enough to meet James Doohan more than once; his home in Redmond was close to where I grew up. I would run across him at ordinary places like the video store and supermarket. He was always unfailingly polite and always receptive to a hello and handshake from fans. A genuinely nice man who will be missed.

The Madness is upon us

We aren’t even halfway through moving, and I’m already nuts. Lucky for me, I’m not alone. The Missus is nuts too. It’s Tuesday night as I write this, and much of our lives are packed away in boxes. Not enough is packed away of course, I can still think of (and see) much that needs to be done before Thursday. Or Friday. Or whenever the damned movers decide to show up. See, according to the guy we made our reservation with, we were supposed to get a call 48 hours before the truck showed up to lock in their arrival time. We scheduled them to show up on Thursday. It’s about 90 minutes before Wednesday starts. Oh dear…

Now, how do I know the madness is here? That would be when my wife starting yelling at me when I was on the phone. Actually, she was yelling in my direction; most of her ire is directed at the cable company with whom I’m on the phone. I’ve been debating the merits of various cable companies, and I ended up picking Comcast. I called today to set up service and promptly got yet another different price quote. This time it included a hefty 44.95 a month for cable internet service. Hell with that, I thought. I’ll go with the other guys. Of course, I couldn’t set up anything with the other guys because they close at 6 PM.

Between the movers, and the utilities and the not-packedness of our lives, we’re at wits end. Throw in the fact we’ve given up on actually cooking food and have been surviving on Big Macs and donuts every day for a week, plus the heat wave hitting our area -95 and humid every damned day- the Frinklin house is close to imploding.

The good news? The house is officially ours, as we closed just after 5 PM pacific. Plus I have a job to help pay for this. The corporate behemoth has allowed me to transfer, and even start when I want to.

Now I just have too survive that long.

Weekend Update

Our last weekend as California residents. How did we spend it?

1-By skipping Comic-Con for the first time since I moved to San Diego. It just wasn't feasible, both time-and-money-wise.

2-Packing a lot of junk.

3-Thinning our mass of junk. This means trips to various thrift stores for donations, the dump, the computer electronics recycling station and much, much time spent saying things like, "Do I REALLY need this?".

4-Packing a lot of junk.

5-Assimilating the new kitten into the family. This has gone fairly well, except for a fairly sketchy Saturday night with the dog.

6-Seriously, we have a lot of junk.

7-Debating our cable TV options. We have corporate giant Comcast or we have the city-run Click Network. Click actually has slightly fewer stations and I'll have to go elsewhere for my internet connection, but they actually give me the same price every time I contact them. Comcast I've called twice and checked their website several times: each time a different price. Puh-leeze people.

8-Wondering if I'll have a job in Seattle. Against expectations -and perhaps their better judgment- Comehugeco is considering transferring me to the Seattle office. I interviewed Friday and will find out Monday. I've never wanted a job I hated more.

9-We've both polished off the new Harry Potter (that would be HP and the Half-Blood Prince for those of you living under rocks). We bought one copy on Saturday morning. We've both finished it. Don't ask how.

How we ended up with another pet a mere week before moving.

The Missus and I both took today off work. Initially this was to be a Disneyland trip, the last before we moved. But, once we realized the giant tasks in front of us (like, ya know… moving), we decided to skip it and work today on finishing some stuff, like packing the garage and setting up utilities up in Tacoma.

Speaking of which, thanks to our asshat seller, we can’t set up our electricity, trash and sewer service yet. It seems that is bill is yet another he hasn’t paid. Until he does -it will be taken out of his proceeds from the sale- the utility company will not set up service. Also found out the dickhead took a weeklong vacation and didn’t tell his realtor, so he isn’t available to sign until Monday. But I digress…

Today we had to run some errands, including heading to the grocery store. There are only two grocery stores in the small town where we currently reside, a Stater Brothers and an Albertson’s. This will come up later. Anyway, as we left the store, the Missus noticed a group of small children holding a tiny kitten. The children, about 8, 9 and 10 we think, told us that the kitten was for sale. Ensie asked them where they got the kitten. The kids said right here. The missus asked them when. The kids then argued amongst themselves and eventually settled on a few weeks. It seems they picked up this kitten from a group being given away. Their pregnant mom won’t let them keep it. They hadn’t taken the cat to the vet, and had been feeding the poor thing dog food. This kitty, who they had named Sandy and mistakenly thought was a girl, had giant eyes that melted the missus heart quickly. She made me hold him, probably as payback when I did it to her (that was when we ended up with the Jeffrey). He made a little mewling noise and I thought he was almost unbearably cute.

We couldn’t do this. We’re moving in a week. We have no extra money for kitten food and shots and a vet check-up and eventual altering. Ensie called her mother, who is very much the soft touch when it comes to kittens. They recently picked up a stray named Morris, whom they thought was a kitten. Turns out Morris was actually a cantankerous old man-cat. Anyway, that house was full. We thought about it, and decided against it. The kids were a little disappointed, and we moved on.

Only we didn’t. Neither of us could get those giant eyes out of our head. Both of our dogs were strays adopted at in-stores, and neither had been a planned thing. You just know when it’s right, right?

We made it all they way home, and realized we needed to hit the other grocery store. We went up to Albertson’s did our shopping there. Along the way we ran across a woman buying 12 bags of kitty litter, which both made us think about the cat even more. Then, while waiting in the check-out line, we ran into an old friend of Ensie’s family who runs an amateur animal rescue. We asked her about our predicament and she had a simple answer: if it feels right we should do it. We agreed to think it over more, and maybe even check back later.

Then I noticed it. The kids were here, with the cat. They had moved to the other grocery store. Well, obviously we were meant to have this cat. And now we do. We’ve bounced around some names and we think we’ve stuck with Percy. Now my wife is cat-blogging.

And we have a new member of the family.

You two careful; he is a big

An English-to-Chinese-to-English mistranslation of Revenge of the Sith? I am so there. Bootlegs are cool.

Found at Ace's

Frinklin’s Mid-Season Baseball Checkup: NL Version

I said…

NL West

1. San Diego Padres
2. San Francisco Giants
3. Los Angeles Dodgers
4. Arizona Diamondbacks
5. Colorado Rockies

At the break…

1. San Diego Padres
2. Arizona Diamonbacks
3. Los Angeles Dodgers
4. San Francisco Giants
5. Colorado Rockies

What a lousy division. The Pads are the only West team over .500, and they seem poised to ride one really killer month all the way to a division title. Arizona has been better than I expected, LA quite a bit worse. Without Barry the Giants are awful. The Rockies are thinking about, oh… 2007 or so.

I said…

NL Central

1. St. Louis Cardinals
2. Chicago Cubs
3. Houston Astros
4. Milwaukee Brewers
5. Cincinnati Reds
6. Pittsburgh Pirates

At the break…

1. St. Louis Cardinals
2. Houston Astros
3. Chicago Cubs
4. Milwaukee Brewers
5. Pittsburgh Pirates
6. Cincinnati Reds

The Cardinals are easily the class of the NL. The ’Stros and Cubs each flirt with making a serous run at the Wild Card, but haven’t really put it together. One will, the other will fall by the wayside. My money is on Chicago. The Brewers fantastic future is just about there. Rickie Weeks is here to stay, and Lyle Overbay might be moved to open up 1B for Prince Fielder. The Pirates play hard, if not particularly well. The Reds imploded about 2 weeks out of the gate.

I said…

NL East

1. Florida Marlins
2. Atlanta Braves
3. Philadelphia Philies
4. New York Mets
5. Washington Nationals

At the break…

1. Washington Nationals
2. Atlanta Braves
3. Florida Marlins
4. Philadelphia Phillies
5. New York Mets

The opposite of the NL West. This is a cutthroat division where even the last-place team is over .500. The Nats are a great story, but the best bet of the current division leaders not to make the playoffs. They’ve been outscored by their opponents. You can’t keep stealing games in the 9th all summer. The Braves have held on despite a bewildering rash of injuries. I have no idea what to think of Florida. The Phils and Mets are better than last year, and everyone in this division could finish at 500.

What, TAB not good enough for you?

A... I dunno, group? Consortium? Gathering? Anyway... Norwegian homosexuals are planning on debuting "Homo Light" a pink, pear-flavored cola at an upcoming food festival.

Homo Light? They couldn't come up with a better name?

Found at Ace.

Frinklin’s Mid-Season Baseball Check-up: AL Version

I said…

AL West
1. Los Angles Angels
2. Texas Rangers
3. Seattle Mariners
4. Oakland Athletics

At the break…

1. Los Angles Angels
2. Texas Rangers
3. Oakland Athletics
4. Seattle Mariners

Well, the top two I hit on, but I figured Seattle would be markedly better than 2004, and Oakland would really struggle this year. For about 2 months I was right, but Seattle now seems to suck almost as much as they did last year, and the A’s are putting it together.

I said…

AL Central

1. Minnesota Twins
2. Cleveland Indians
3. Chicago White Sox
4. Detroit Tigers
5. Kansas City Royals

At the break…

1. Chicago White Sox
2. Minnesota Twins
3. Cleveland Indians
4. Detroit Tigers
5. Kansas City Royals

Yeah, I’m sure everybody thought that the Sox would coast into the break with the best record in the Majors. The Indians stumbled out of the gate, but have recovered enough to join the fight for the wild card. Detroit has been better but still not great; exactly what I thought. KC simply sucks.

I said…

AL East

1. New York Yankees
2. Boston Red Sox
3. Baltimore Orioles
4. Tampa Bay Devil Rays
5. Toronto Blue Jays

At the break….

1. Boston Red Sox
2. Baltimore Orioles
3. New York Yankees
4. Toronto Blue Jays
5. Tampa Bay Devil Rays

Well, the Red Sox and Yankees aren’t playing as well I thought. Baltimore surprised me for awhile, but now they seem to be finding their level. I totally whiffed on the Jays, and that bit about the D-Rays finishing above them? Just ignore it… never happened. I just hope Lou doesn’t have an aneurysm on the field.

Battlestar Galactica

Good Battlestar Galactica-related news: The new season starts on Friday the 15th.

Bad Battlestar Galactica-related news: I will be mid-move for the second episode on the 22nd. Gack!

Check out this post on A List of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago on just why BSG is so damned good.

There might be a hint here

I have mentioned previously that the Missus and my back-up car is a rather beat-up old truck. Well, we found how the rest of the world views it the other day. Ensie took it to work on Friday. When she was in the parking lot about to leave, a man drove up next to her and asked her if he could buy it from her. This guy said he was looking for a nice little work truck, and since hers was so old and beat-up, it would be perfect.

The Missus, showing presence of mind that I couldn’t have found, replied that no, the truck isn’t for sale. We’re just poor.

I should probably at least wash the damned thing.

Baseball Weirdness

How is it that the Mariners, after looking so pathetic losing the last 2 at Kansas City, have been able to take the first three in a series against the Angels? And it's been pretty easy too. Best team in the AL West, worst team in the AL West. Just funny...

And you know it has to be driving Richard and Josh crazy.

Update: Holy Moley! A sweep!

"So you can pack up your bombs, put them in your arseholes, and get the fuck out of our city"

More very British reactions to the attack on London are available at Andrew Sullivan.

I Hate you Wally Walker

Not only is Nate McMillan going to leave the Sonics, he's doing so to coach the freakin' Trail Blazers? What morons are running the show here. They make a great move in keeping Ray Allen, then lose Nate.

Just wrong...

Ray-Ray re-ups

Is this deal going to bite the Sonics in the ass come 4 years from now when Ray Allen is 34? Probably, but this is the guy the Sonics had to keep. He's become the face of the franchise, and the team's most popular player by a wide margin.

He's also closer to a true star than the Sonics have had since the heyday of the Kemp-Karl-Glove team. As Bill Simmons asked, "are there 15 players that can have a bigger impact on a single game than Ray Allen?"

The Kings would say "no".

Now, get to work on Daniels, Radmanovic, Jerome James, Reggie Evans, Ronald Murray and most of all, Nate McMillan,

John Adams, July 5th 1776

Yesterday the greatest question was decided that was ever debated in America; and greater, perhaps, never was or will be decided among men. A resolution was passed, without one dissenting colony, ‘That these United States are, and of right ought to be free and independent states.

The day passed. The 4th of July, 1776, will be a memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival.

It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to Almighty God. It ought to be solemnized with pomp, shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of the continent to the other, from this time forward, forever.

You will think me transported with enthusiasm, but I am not.

I am well aware of the toil, and blood, and treasure, that it will cost to maintain this declaration, and support and defend these states; yet through all the gloom, I can see the rays of light and glory. I can see that the end is worth more than all the means; and that posterity will triumph ...

The Boone

It was difficult when the M's let John Olerud go, and this isn't any easier. I understand why Seattle designated Bret Boone for assignment. I just wish it didn't come to this. Hopefully Boone will end up somewhere.

Hey!! Otters!!

The Missus and I, trying to hit some Southern California sights before the move, have just returned from the World-Famous San Diego Zoo. A lovely time was had by all; perfect weather and far less crowded that I expected on a summer Saturday. Two moments stick out though. First, we were on the last leg of the bus tour of the zoo, near the Sun Bears and an rare species of otter. It was fairly quiet, as it was still early.

HEY!!! OTTERS!!!!

It was a young boy’s voice, maybe 5 or 6. He screamed this at the top of his lungs about 3-4 times. I guess you had to be there, but for the rest of the day Ensie and I would turn to each other and yell, “HEY!! OTTERS!!” at completely random times.

The other odd moment? A completely random minor celebrity sighting: the professional wrestler once known as Bad-Ass Billy Gun and now apparently called The Outlaw. He’s shorter than he looks on TV.

Figures I would miss this

This weekend my soon-to-be new hometown of Tacoma is hosting its first Tall Ships Festival. Perfect weather, stunning views... and three weeks before we move up there.
Dammit....

The lead ship here, heading to Commencement Bay from Quartermaster Harbor, is the Mexican Cuauhtemoc, followed by hundreds of pleasurecraft and the Russian tall ship Pallada

Moored in front of the Tacoma Museum of Glass is the R. Tucker Thompson

All pictures shamelessly stolen from the Tacoma News Tribune.